They say people come into your life for a reason and when I met him, I thought he would be the one to change my life forever. That was only half true. Every child comes into the world with the innocent thought that all people are genuinely good. I came into the world believing that fairy tales exists, mermaids are hidden away deep down in the ocean and fairies come out of hiding to those who believe in them. Now I know, not all fairy tale stories are real.
I was naive once and I wanted that happy ending with my high-school sweetheart. Although we never met until the end of high school and we were from two different schools, I looked at him as my prince charming. I came into the relationship with high hopes and full of love, I wouldn’t say he was my first boyfriend but he definitely was the one who’s changed my perspective on love and relationships.
Being raised by a traditional asian family, the only escape I had from the world was my books and my computer. We met through a mutual friend and since then we started chatting on a messenger program. We continued to talk for hours, losing sleep to finally meeting and having study sessions together. It felt like I was on cloud 9 and I wanted to hold on to that string of love for as long as I could. Little did I know, holding on so tight to that vision of romance did nothing but burn me in the end.
The first year was nothing but a dream that soon lead into a nightmare. I should’ve seen the signs but I was too blinded by love that I made excuses for his actions. He was the first guy that I poured my heart out to and every weakness was taken advantage of. He was the first guy I could celebrate an anniversary with and yet I received no celebration. With all the rumours circulating within our group of friends claiming I wasn’t his first, I often wondered if I was mislead to believe that I was going to lose it to someone who was also ready to lose it to me.
Year after year I put my dignity aside simply because I loved him. Lie after lie was because I loved him. Everything I did and everything I’ve lost was because I loved him. But that’s how the story is supposed to go right? When you find someone you love, you hold on and work through the imperfections because in the end, that’s when you’ll live happily ever after. Have we poisoned our minds the second we’ve learned how to formulate letters into words with stories of fictional characters and endings?
After years of manipulation and torment I soon realized that P was never my prince charming. He was never my knight in shining armour. He was never the true love kiss that I have been waiting for… but yet, he was also never the villain, I was.
** disclaimer ** This blog post does not reflect my current relationship as this is a past experience. Name(s) of individual(s) on this post has been changed for the protection of their identity.