All couples argue. But the real question is, is it time to call it quits? When you spend so much time around one person, there are bound to be things that you disagree on. You’re going to bicker over silly things. Hair blocking plugholes. Leaving the toilet seat up. Not picking up the phone right away. Irritating habits and pet hates that grind on your nerves. But this is normal. A few disagreements every now and then are to be expected and nothing to worry about.
I always believed that having disagreements is perfectly healthy in a relationship. I personally hate fighting but there are times where I wake up on the wrong side of the bed or we misinterpret each other’s texts. It’s when you’re shouting at each other every single day that problems start to arise. So how do you know whether a relationship is worth pursuing or whether it’s time to call it a day?
How Far Into The Relationship Are You?
How you deal with problems is bound to differ according to how intense your relationship is. If someone is irritating you and you’re arguing after the first date, perhaps it’s time to call quits right away. I usually like to observe the person I’m dating to see whether they’re a good fit for me and my personality and how they are as a person when they’re around me versus around my friends. However, if you’ve been married for fifteen years, have three kids, a dog and a mortgage together, it might not be worth calling it quits over the way your partner chews their food. If you have invested more in a relationship, you’re going to want to put more effort into fixing problems and salvaging your connection with your partner.
How Big Are The Problems?
There are certain problems that will bring a relationship to an end regardless of how long you two have been together. Emotional or physical abuse and extramarital relations are a good reason to call quits on a relationship no matter how long you’ve been together or how much you’ve been through together. If you are completely unhappy, or even discontent with your relationship, you don’t need a reason to cut it off. You are always free to leave any relationship with another person. Weigh up the pros and cons and decide whether the problems that you’re experiencing can be rectified.
I often look at the person I’m with as someone I can see myself investing in. Have I changed myself to fit his image of what a ‘perfect‘ girlfriend should be? Can I see him helping me to become a better person for myself? It can be tough to ask yourself these questions or even jot down the pros and cons because your emotional state usually outweighs what goes inside your head. But everyone needs to put themselves first, even if it’ll hurt both parties of the relationship.
How To Deal With The Problems
- Marriage Counseling
If you’re married, marriage counseling could make the difference between fixing your marriage and filing for divorce. Marriage counseling provides you and your partner with a neutral, calm and supervised environment to discuss your problems. The goal of marriage counseling is to improve communication between individuals in a marriage. Most interpersonal problems stem with people being incapable of expressing dissatisfaction, anger or irritation honestly. When individuals try to do this at home, they often skip from one subject to another, let their anger get to them, start to shout or become unresponsive. Marriage counseling sessions have structure. Your counselor will ensure that conversations stay on track and nobody becomes too pent up.
- Try Harder
The longer you’re together, the less effort you’re likely to make with one another. But why? Don’t take your partner for granted. Respond positively to your partner’s bids for attention. Do the same things that you did at the beginning of your relationship. Make gestures of affection, no matter how seemingly small they are. Bring a cup of tea in the morning, bring flowers home, go for dinner, have a day to yourselves.
- Talk Things Out & Compromise
If you really want this relationship to last and you see the benefits rather than the negative impacts – you need to let go of your ego and be able to compromise with your partner. Take the time to write down how you feel and openly talk to your partner about it. Instead of finding reasons to fight, find ways to work through it by compromising and let it go.
At the end of the day, you know your relationship best. I’ve gone through many failed relationships, local and long distance and in each person I’ve learned more of what I want in a person and what I don’t deserve. I’ve discussed it in a prior post on how to keep a relationship strong and although it discusses my long distance relationship with J, it also relates to any relationship near or far. The major important thing to always remember in both successful relationships or even bad ones is to know when to throw in the towel and when to keep going. Often times it can be tough to know right away once you’ve already invested in yourself in the relationship versus at the start, but always remember that your happiness always comes first.