Commitment has always been a scary subject to me. Recently I turned 30 and coming from a traditional Filipino family, I often get asked “When are you going to get married?” If you don’t know what it’s like coming from a culture where women often get married by 20, being unmarried is almost seen as something must be wrong with you. But to be honest, I much rather prefer to settle down with marriage when I know I’m ready and I have my shit in order. Otherwise I’ll come to resent my husband and I don’t want it to be that type of marriage.
With divorce being at an all-time high, it’s so important to make sure you are making the right decision when getting hitched. You don’t want to look back in years to come and regret your decision. However, it can be hard to know when it’s the right time to commit. After all, you might feel like it’s true love, but then years down the line you realize they are not right for you. Here are some signs or tips that I’ve come up with that have been on my mental checklist.
You have got past the lust stage
When you are in the early stage of your relationship, it’s easy to make a mistake by getting married. After all, if you are in the stage of lusting over your partner, you can’t imagine being with anyone else. But when the passion fades, a lot of couples find that they have nothing in common. Make sure you get to know each other properly before tying the knot. There needs to be more to the relationship than just desire. You need to have a strong friendship which will keep you solid.
You’ve been through some tough times
If you have been through some hard times and have come out the other side, it’s probably a good sign that you might be ready to commit. After all, it shows you stuck together even when things were rubbish. And that’s a good start for a wonderful marriage together. After all, once you are married, you will become a team, rather than an individual. As it says on http://www.yourtango.com/, you need to have each other’s backs if you are ready to say ‘I do.’ I personally hate fighting but having arguments and being able to move past them shows healthy signs of maturity.
You are both financially stable
Weddings are expensive. Everything from the venue to the dress can end up costing a couple a fortune. And they often have to spend years paying it back! You should only plan to get hitched if you can afford to do so. If you decide to get married and struggle to afford the cost, it can cause the relationship to fold before you have even reached the aisle. Work out all the costs before heading down the marriage route. You can look online on sites like www.ourstart.com to find ideas of things you need. That way, you can know whether you are financially ready for the next step! You can also go on pinterest for some wedding ideas and create some decor yourself. Etsy also has amazing products such as weddings rings and wedding dresses that are gorgeous for less of the price!
You both have the same long-term plans
A lot of couples make the mistake of getting married before discussing their future plans. It means one person in the couple might be at a different stage of their life. For example, you might want a baby soon, while your other half might want to travel. It’s important to discuss your long-term plans and make sure you are both on the same path. That way, you know whether you can commit to each other! Like I’ve said before, communication is a huge essential to building a lasting relationship. You need to be able to communicate your needs, your wants and what makes you happy or sad. Without that transparent communication line, you’ll never be able to know where you stand in your relationship.
Majority of the time, living together before marriage is also a great way to get to know your partner. This way you’re able to see if the both of you are compatible under the same roof. However, when it comes to being in a long distance relationship (such as myself), having that opportunity to be able to live together may not be as easy. Again, this is where creating a friendship and having an open communication plays an important role in your relationship. You have to get to know each other more than the sexual attraction and understand what each other’s needs are. To go from living in two separate homes, combining into one – is a huge transition. If you’re anything like me, having alone time is important. So you need a partner who will give that to you without throwing a fit.
No matter what your mental checklist may be, don’t ever settle just to settle. I could easily just settle because I’m “getting old” but what would be the point in that? Marriage is more than just a legal paper and a fancy ring, it’s promise you create not only with yourself, but with your partner to be their emotional support and their best friend for life. If you feel that you can’t give someone that commitment or that you need to work on loving yourself, it’s okay to take your time. Don’t allow the traditions of life and love pressure you into making a decision you will regret. You should always put yourself first, before you can allow someone else to be a priority.